(Photo: Getty)
The COVID-19 virus seems to be communicated through the breath. The coronavirus affects the lungs. Millions around the world who catch the virus are dying from it. Medical authorities have suggested that to keep from getting the coronavirus that can travel through air we have to maintain what they call “social distance” from one another. Sneezing scatters particles about six feet so we should maintain a distance of at least six feet from one another.
Schools and churches have been closed, and learning and worship is conveyed through Zoom. We are admonished: hen in crowds wear masks. Wash your hands frequently. If and when a vaccine is developed and people are vaccinated we will hopefully develop a herd immunity, as with other diseases, we may be able to disperse with these mitigations.
But what about sex? You can’t have sex with someone without getting close.
Well, leave it to New Yorkers to not mince words when telling you what you can and can’t do. The New York City Department of Health (NYDOH) has issued a set of guidelines entitled “Sex and Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)” that doesn’t beat around the bush. ou In fact, it’s quite explicit in more ways than one.
The guidelines begin with a reminder of how the COVID-19 coronavirus spreads. A person infected with the virus can spread SARS-CoV2 to others who are within a six-foot radius when that person coughs, sneezes, or somehow spews out respiratory droplets. The virus can also be transmitted through direct contact with the infected person’s saliva or mucus. The guidelines add that the virus has been found in feces of people with COVID-19 but not in their semen or vaginal fluid. Additionally, there haven’t been reports of other types of coronaviruses being transmitted purely through semen or vaginal fluids.
So, does that mean that you are in the clear for sex as long as poop is not involved? Not exactly. The six-foot radius thing presents a bit of a problem. You probably don’t need a picture drawn to realize that having sex while maintaining at least a six-foot distance apart could be quite challenging. And guys, this is not the time for you to explain how well-endowed you may be. Even if you don’t kiss, which by the way involves saliva, you are physically very, very close to your partner during sex. Remember, sex with someone else is the exact opposite of social distancing
Notice how the last sentence specified with someone else. Well, joy of joys, the NYCDOH mentioned one type of sex that can be totally safe: sex with yourself, otherwise known as masturbation. The guidelines declare that “you are your safest sex partner.” That’s because you tend to know where you’ve been and what you’ve done, most of the time. Plus, you can easily maintain a six-foot distance from other people while masturbating. Most of time, of course, it is solo sex with nobody else around.
In a new study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers found that the most common reasons for masturbation amid the COVID-19 pandemic were to relieve stress and feel relaxed, while the main reasons for not masturbating were lack of interest, being in a committed relationship, conflict with morals or values, or it being against one’s religion. The sexual expression of masturbation can help people explore their sexuality, experience pleasure, and can impact self-esteem and body positivity. Men typically engage in masturbation more often than women; however, there has been an increase in reports of solo masturbation among both sexes since the beginning of the pandemic.
The guidelines do offer one word of warning if you want to “visit the safety deposit box”, “polish the banister”, or any other synonym of masturbate that you can think of: wash your dirty, dirty hands. And that’s not meant in a moralistic way. It’s meant in a microbiological way. Wash your hands and anything that you may touch yourself with thoroughly using soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after you do some “Lone Rangering”, “take the self-guided tour,” or “double-click.”
Oh, and this hand washing and masturbation recommendation should apply all the time, not just during a pandemic. If you are not washing your hands before and after “playing five-on-one,” then never ever shake anyone else’s hands ever again.
Ah, but what happens if a “party of one” is just not enough for you? What happens if you want while your jerk off? The NYCDOH guidelines do say that “the next safest partner is someone you live with,” assuming that the person is not currently wielding sniffles and sneezes. Men are known for their circle jerks. Men and women would masturbate one another if they lay opposite ends of the bed, such as husbands and wives.
This is because if you live with that person you can get a better sense of his or her risk of carrying SARS-CoV2 versus someone you see a lot less. Note that it’s difficult to be 100% sure that your roommate is not infected because not all of those infected have COVID-19 symptoms. A way to get a better sense would be to shove a cotton swab up your partner’s nose and another one to the back of his or her throat, collect sputum samples, send them off to get tested, and wait for the results to return. All of this can ruin the mood.
But, if you get it on with your spouse or roomie there will always be some risk. You essentially have to balance your risk tolerance with your loin tolerance. The NYCDOH further elaborates that “having close contact, including sex, with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19.” In this case, “small circle” doesn’t mean some kind of sex seance. It means limit the number of people whom you have close contact with and make sure that you know each of their lifestyles, precautions, health, and symptoms well. The NYDOH guidelnes further emphasize this point by stating, “If you do have sex with others, have as few partners as possible.” I would add that the safest person to have sex with may be your spouse because you know each other’s comings-and-goings.
By the way, if you think that masks will help and you are not referring to the Eyes Wide Shut type of masks, think again. Standard surgical masks won’t prevent transmission. The N95 respirators can prevent transmission but only if they maintain a tight seal with your face. The N95 masks are not designed for vigorous physical activity and facial movement, so you may find yourself saying, “oh yes, oh yes, oh no, have to adjust my mask.”
Photograph: Georgii Boronin/Getty Images
Young millennials couple wearing protective face masks and kissing each other. Kissing through the mask doesn’t strike me as very satisfying. | iStock / Getty Images Plus/iStock / Getty Images Plus
What if you don’t have a steady partner and want to keep dating during the pandemic? Is it enough to indicate that you are, “looking for someone who is laid-back, caring, kind, funny, not feverish, not short of breath, and has the following hobbies: cycling, going to the theater, and hand-washing”? Not really. The NYCDOH advises against in-person dates, even when cotton swabs are involved. This doesn’t mean that you should shake your fist to the sky and say, “see, even the viruses want me to be single.” The guidelines do offer alternatives such as “video dates, sexting or chat rooms.”
It’s inevitable that sexting during a pandemic can get tiresome… but does it have to? You are your partner can go as far as you dare in your selfies and talk as dirty as you like in chat.
[Graphic by Lily Inskip-Shesnicky
If you do have sex, the NYCDOH guidelines have even more detailed information for you. This way when you have sex, you can think of the NYCDOH. The guidelines say, “take care during sex,” which is a very nice thing to say, and that “kissing can easily pass COVID-19,” which is not so nice. Therefore, you may want to avoid kissing unless you feel very confident that the person is not infected. Otherwise, there are alternatives to kissing such as elbow bumps, bows or curtsies as long as you don’t accidentally knock heads, or wink-and guns. Maybe afterwards you can discuss with your friends how good a “wink-and-gunner” he or she was. But health authorities also provide some sex positions that may be safer than the usually missionary position during COVID. Here are diagrams that have been posted online.
The Masked Rider
This position allows your partner to easily access your erogenous zones, heightening your pleasure. To master it, have your partner lie down and then straddle them, facing away from them – just like reverse cowgirl.
This position is perfect if you don’t want to be distracted by face masks
“This position is perfect for cowgirls wanting to be in control. It encourages you to play around with motions and angles as much as you want! “Plus, as you have easy access to your clitoris this is the perfect position to use a vibrator or stimulate yourself with your hands and you grind up against your partner.”
The Climb
This works best if you have a staircase handy – but we don’t recommend trying it out in a communal stairwell. This move is perfect for “mixing up the scenery,” and shows hallways can be sexy too. “Think of doggy-style sex on the stairs – the position takes advantage of the inclination and steps to create new angles and supports for an original position.
If you need to spice things up – try using the stairs as a backdrop for love making
“The partner at the back will be standing. The stairs allow the partner at the front to get more height, they can be standing or kneeling.” (If your stairs aren’t carpeted, plop down a towel or blanket so your knees don’t get sore.)
Masked Embrace
The Masked Embrace is perfect for couples looking to explore new positions, but if you’re in lockdown alone this is also great for some solo fun. “Lie face down on the bed, legs straight and hips slightly raised. Have your partner lie on top of you. For deeper penetration come up to your knees.”
Your face is turned away from your partner, so you can both forget about your masks
“This position creates a snug fit to allow you to feel close to your partner, even without being face-to-face. For those singletons in desire of trying a similar position, use a sex toy with a base so that it can be secured to a surface, or secure your toy between two pillows for that special sensation. Lowering yourself on to a sex toy can be an excellent way to mix it up at home.”
Go Tantric
You may have heard of tantra before but never explored it – and now’s the perfect opportunity. This is all about finding new experiences with your partner, with a focus on eye contact and touching – perfect if you’re wearing a mask. “Try connecting in other ways such as synchronised breathing, or touch and play that is with your eyes closed and lead-by the sensation of touch.”
Of course, the object of Tantric sex is arouse sexual energy but NOT TO EJACULATE. Keep the energy within your body for other creative endeavors. “The basics of tantric sex are all about connection which can be done through breathing and eye contact. This experience is all about building anticipation and increasing desire. Focusing on areas of the body that you wouldn’t usually during sex can help build erogenous zones and take your attention elsewhere.”
If this couple was wearing mask, they’ve got it.
One thing that should not be an alternative to kissing is rimming. That’s probably not the first time those words have been said. The NYCDOH explicitly states, “rimming [mouth on anus] might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth.” Can’t get too much more explicit than that. You may count that as a no, perhaps on several counts.
The guidelines also recommend wearing condoms and dental dams. Not all the time since a dental dam is not considered fashionable outdoors wear just yet. But who knows, perhaps some day some fashion designer may bring in the combined dental dam-blazer look. For now, the advice is to wear condoms or dental dams, depending on the situation, when you may come into contact with saliva or feces such as during oral or anal sex. If you find yourself coming into contact with someone else’s feces when you are not having sex, something has gone horribly wrong.
Additionally, the guidelines re-emphasize the need to wash up before and after sex. You may like your sex dirty, but it shouldn’t be in a microbe virus-ie type of way. Everything else that you use as part of sex should be cleaned thoroughly as well including any sex toys that you employed, that keyboard or touch screen that you used to search for instructions, that smartphone that you used to play the “Macarena”, or anything else that you or your partner may have touched.
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Oh, and if your partner is not feeling well or has any symptoms that may possibly suggest COVID-19, forego sex with and kissing your partner altogether and go back to the party of one. You may want to check on your partner first though. This is one situation where you should take the “not now, I have a headache,” response seriously. So, if your partner is having shortness of breath, don’t automatically think that it’s because of you. You are not that good. It could be a symptoms of COVID-19, especially when it comes with a fever, cough, or sore throat.
Additionally, the NYCDOH warns that “if you or your partner has a medical condition that can lead to more severe COVID-19, you may also want to skip sex.” These conditions include lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, cancer or a weakened immune system.
A final thing to keep in mind is that the pandemic does not mean “don’t practice other types of safe sex.” Certainly, there is no good time to have a sexually transmitted infection (STI). You don’t say, “the sun is in the sky, there is no pandemic, time to catch an STI.” Nonetheless, a pandemic is a particularly bad time to get one with the health care system so overtaxed and the risk of having another infection concurrently. Moreover, the guidelines stress, “make sure you have an effective form of birth control for the coming weeks,” so to speak.
BUT, if you are sure that you and your marital partner have not been in any situation where you contacted the virus, you may be home a lot and this may be the perfect time to procreate. The only concern is that the state of the health care system right now is rather unstable. It may be better to wait until you know that you can have regular doctor visits. In which case, we may not see a baby boom during this lockdown.
Pastor Frank
